Tag: Memories

14th July 2015…… 9:12 pm

Note: A commentary on a 18 year old depressed kid’s draft. So everything you are going to read in the bracket is by a 22 year old Kamran who isn’t depressed and can make fun of himself, but you guys should take it seriously cause MOST of you were shitty.

I have come to a point in my life where  I am very happy being alone. (of course you are, you idiot) I don’t know why? (let me take a guess, cause you watched a lot of teenage movies.)  But I AM happy. I have no need for  friends or partnership to share my feelings. (but you definitely need a blog post) But I guess that comes with being an introvert. (You are NOT an introvert, or as you have been told it is more of your inability to handle stupidity) I have never need friendship  and to be honest the only friendship I have ever put any effort is with Fatty not that I know why. (This is 18 year old Kamran’s way of saying FUCK YOU, Dennis.) I honestly could lose all my “so-called” friends and it wouldn’t make a difference. (still true for 22 year old Kamran) I guess that’s kinda shitty on my part. (No, it isn’t.)

PS Grammar wasn’t really something I cared about. 

Eleanor Rigby Died …

(This is a post that has been in my draft since July 2017.)

A few years ago I loved The Beatles, I still do but you know. As the years have gone by I’ve moved away from them, turning to other genres and artists, and I’ve never really gone back. The Beatles’s place in my “favorite band of all time” slot has been replaced with Nirvana and The Smiths

Regardless, while talking to a friend of mine who happens to be a fellow music lover, The Beatles were brought up in our conversation. He happened to be a huge Beatles fan, going so far as to say that Sgt. Pepper’s is one of the best albums of all time.

(Just a side note, I do believe that Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is a good album. A great one actually, but I don’t believe it is one of the best. Its not even the best The Beatles album for me (Revolver) …Sorry.)

I had a special love for some of their songs, namely Eleanor Rigby, All You Need is Love, Good Morning, Hey Jude and Paperback Writer. Of all the songs the Beatles ever produced, Eleanor Rigby still stands as one of my favorites…. I guess it can be because of the amazing orchestra play in the back because I never understood the lyrics for a very long ….

When I chose to write this piece, I decided to pick a song I hadn’t listened to in a very long time and write about it. Write about how it made me feel, what it meant to me, or how it affected me. The Beatles immediately came to mind, and I quickly decided on Eleanor Rigby as my song of choice. That got me wondering what it was about this song that resonated with me so much that I knew I had to write about it without any hesitation.

To be honest, it was the lyrics. When I first heard the song I was 15, the lyrics always confused and intrigued me. I didn’t understand what half of them were portraying, but they always fascinated me. I couldn’t stop thinking about them. The slice of life, vignette style portrayal of “all the lonely people” was captivating.

A lot of the metaphors of the song were lost on me. Eleanor “wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door” wasn’t symbolic of anything: I thought it was a mask of some kind. Regardless, that became one of my favorite lines in the entire song. It was poetic and strange. The wonderful mixture of strange people, euphemisms, and symbolism had me listening to the song on repeat (I am listening to it on repeat right now as I write this..), totally pulled into the drab, gray, and lonely world that had been created.

The sad, almost longing tone of the song pulled me in as well. Up to that point in my life, most of the songs I had listened to had been happy, I wasn’t exposed to the harsh reality of life as yet. Eleanor Rigby was different. It painted a picture of lonely, sad people whose lives were intertwined. The whole song felt gray to me, as if the world I was hearing was perpetually cloudy.

That’s why it really stayed with me, even though I didn’t know it. It showed me that all songs didn’t have to be happy or joyous. They didn’t even have to use conventional “rock and roll” instruments. (Eleanor Rigby consists of nothing but The Beatles’ voices, and a small orchestra). It showed me that songs could be used as storytelling devices, and could portray characters and situations, real or fictitious. It really broadened my idea of what music can be, and what it can portray.

While I may not be as crazy about The Beatles as I used to, I still have a love for this song many years later. I listened to it many times while writing this, and haven’t grown tired of it yet. I really do attribute this song to broadening my view of music, and  how it’s more than just fun things to play on the radio. Music is an art form: a way of expressing oneself. Music is a way to tell stories, and share the human experience. It transcends cultures and times. Truly, it is one of the most powerful forces that can be created, and that’s why it demands to be made.

Beautiful

When you met me, I was a dream.
Confusing, yet enjoyable.
The break from reality you needed.

Now here we are.
I’m not quite a nightmare, but you sense the scene has changed.
Still more confusing.
Am I good or bad?

I know I can’t keep up the charade.
The peace you enjoyed so much.
I enjoyed it too.
Now we both wake.

Can you see what I really am now?
A flame that longs to touch without harming…
But I can’t.
I have been damaged, and I wear the scars all over my face.

Now you can’t go back to sleep.
Can you look me in the face?
You touch my ripped flesh and still utter the word beautiful
What are you?
What is this?

This is new to me.
I am lost now….
Every move I make feels wrong.
She utters the word beautiful.
Don’t look at me, I scream
BEAUTIFUL, she says

Is it my turn to dream now?
I wanna see you at your nightmare.
Let me wake.
Opening my eyes now….
So many scars on your face.

BEAUTIFUL.

Rest In Peace Beautiful

Hey Beautiful,

If you are reading this (I know you are reading this because you promised me that you will) I want you to know that you were the most amazing person I ever met, I am not bullshitting. You know me I never bullshit. Even though we had only known each other for 5 years (“Hey Moron, 5 Years is a long time. Can you imagine how many lives has our friendship outlived”) Sure It did man and sadly it couldn’t outlive yours. I am missing you and I will always. Thank you for being my best friend, Thank you for being such a brave fighter and I swear I will make you proud beautiful. I know you are in a way better place but you just put me in dark place here. Remember when I use to tell you about my problems and you use to tell me “Kamran, you want to know something worse? I am dying”. Remember when you made me hear Nirvana back in Summer of 2011 and I was like what load of crap is this. and few years later I was fangirling them and you were all grumpy about it. Guess my friend is only in my head now. Remember when we fought about whom I should take with me to THE NIGHT and we decide that you were right but I took the other one and it took me an entire 3 weeks to make it upto you. Remember when I wrote “My Angel” and you asked me to promise you that I will write something as beautiful as that for you, but what you never realised was everything that I ever wrote was inspired by you. Remember when I joked about singing Ronan at your funeral and you told me I should and then I told you that we were Pakistani But I will still

You fought it hard like an army guy
Remember I, leaned in and whispered to you

Come on baby with me
We’re gonna fly away from here
Out of this curtained room
And this hospital grey will just disappear

You were like that part of my life that I didn’t want anyone to know about because you were so amazing and I always wanted to treasure it to myself, and now i regret never telling them because they will never meet THE GIRL WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILE EVER.

With Love,

From Your Best Friend,

Kamran

Rest In Peace Annie xoxo

17th May 1997 – ∞

Until We Meet Again 🙂

Those Three Words

I normally don’t write stuff like this but recently I was listening to “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol on repeat where I came across this one line that made me think…

“Those three words, Are said too much, They’re not enough.” ❤

Over time, I have come to realize the importance of this certain phrase that I have refrained from using for a long time. There are a group of three words that if put in a certain order can change someone’s life.

These words have become a much bigger deal to me than they ever had before because now, they mean so much more. I have found that through films and music and television shows, we hear those words a lot more than one may realize and feel as though they are being over used. They are the personification of feeling from one person to another and they mean so much more than just a few words that can be thrown around carelessly.

Over the last few months, these words have never crossed my lips and it scares me to think of how deeply I care for you and how much I mean those words more than ever. It’s crazy to think how fast one person can fall for another and how deeply you can fall. I didn’t think I would ever find someone like you. You make me the happiest I have ever been and you helped pull me out of a hold I had been digging myself into. I don’t know how I managed to find you, you are the most special person I have ever met with your weirdness and kindness all rolled into one.

There are things about us I am never going to be able to forget and that I know I’ll want to relive for years to come. Through everything we have been through, even in this short amount of time, has made both of us stronger. We have had to be each other’s rocks and that in itself has made us stronger together. You are one in a billion and I couldn’t ask for anyone more incredible. There aren’t enough words in the English language or any language to be able to describe how you make me feel, they don’t do you justice. 🙂

 

Till The End Of Time

Follow me my friend

and I’ll follow you

let’s make all our tomorrows

be filled with sunshine again

when you cry silver tears

I’ll be there to dry them

hand in hand down life’s rough road

till we reach the end

there is always something new

around each bend

I’ll make you smile day by day

you’ll bring on the laughter

together we’ll go

always there for one another

no more lonely days

bring on the sun rays

when the rains come

I’ll give you my hand

together we’ll dance beneath the raindrops

when the storm clouds

rise up in the sky

and heavy winds begin to blow

you’ll give me shelter

it will forever be just you and me

I’ll follow you

you’ll follow me

to a brighter future

where we can live and love in peace

be my friend forever

don’t ever leave me

together it’s so much better

when you hurt

I’ll kiss away the pain

you and I were meant to be

always happy and free

so I’ll follow you

you’ll follow me

so happy we will be

there was never a better friendship

that began for us

and later became love

so we go on

just you and me

each day to treasure

gathering precious memories

of days spent together

and in everything that we do

wherever we go

I’ll follow you

you’ll follow me

till the end of time