Embrace Yourself

Back in high school, I had a rather bad habit of trying to someone I wasn’t because we live in a society that labels anyone who isn’t cool, as a crazy person. I had decided to stay away from labels so I tried different ways of being cool, to be more chill person. But (and yes there is ALWAYS a but) Since the start of college, I have come to realization that not everyone will understand my passion, my sensitivity or even my overzealous reaction to even the rather mundane things.

And I have also heard a lot of phrases from “my friend circle”, pharses like:

1. You can’t survive with that sort of attitude

2.  You need to change yourself

3. You need to bring a change in your personality… etc etc etc

I have to come a realization that the truth is I’d rather be passionate, sensitive and ‘crazy’ and be me than try to be someone else. I’d rather not to be cool, chill and calm if it’s going to bring me temporary people, fleeting happiness and attract a bunch of people who don’t really like me for who I am.

Because I’ve had people who loved and accepted me all my life, I’ve had people who loved my passion, understood my sensitivity and appreciated my overzealous nature. People who are still in my life. Friends who think my heart is the reason why they stayed in my life.

And maybe we don’t need to change something if we don’t think it’s wrong. Maybe we don’t need to change it if it’s serving us well. Maybe we don’t need to be part of the majority to feel like we belong. Maybe all we really need is to be better versions of ourselves and the right people will find us and love us for all the right reasons.

And at the end of the day, If you want to change, change because you want to, because you feel like you need to, because it’s going to make your life better but please don’t ever change for people, don’t ever let people sway you into believing that there’s something wrong with you just because you feel things differently. Please don’t ever apologize for your feelings. Embrace Yourself.

 

Alpha and Omega

The Universal Will is beyond pain and pleasure, and it is beyond any one human life.

We are all instruments bringing reality together, essential parts of the time in history which we were born in, and each death is just as important and significant as each life. When we realize that death is such a great motivator for keeping us on track we can no longer despise it. When we no longer despise death we come to realize that death is precious. If we had no death we might fall into such deep meaninglessness that we can no longer summon the energy to do anything at all. This is not to meant we no longer suffer during death, this suffering is natural. But we must understand that beyond our sense of loss, our pain due to that part of our heart which is now missing, there is a greater plan, and that death is not annihilation, since there is an eternal godly spark within us that can never die. Humanity continues to search for cures for all kinds of diseases in order to prolong life, but it only really matters to us when it becomes a reality for us or those we love. As long as tragedy doesn’t affect us, we go on living as if it doesn’t exist at all anywhere else in the world. We complain that we are bored, that we have to spend time at school or at work, that we have to accompany our mother to the grocery store, that we have to help our younger siblings with their homework. Everything is a reason for complaint. Since we have nothing worthwhile to do with our time we simply spend it complaining, stressing ourselves out. Stress is a slow killer but a killer nonetheless. Complaining might seem like a form of venting and letting our frustration out, but it actually drags us further into misery and affects those who surround us as well. When death or disease strike we are all of a sudden so compelled to do whatever it takes to prolong the same existence we were just complaining about a moment ago. We have become ungrateful. What we need is to strengthen our core as human beings, by understanding that our mind and body are simply vehicles for a much higher power, an indestructible power. We cannot strengthen our willpower. Willpower comes from Spirit and it is always as strong as it can be. When I speak of willpower I speak of the Divine will which is inherent in man. Any desire which does not arise from this will does not arise from willpower at all, but from the animal instincts which man carries within himself, from the raw emotion and thought that binds us to a merely physical experience of pain and petty pleasures. We can chase pleasure to the farthest extremes of this earth and we will end up disappointed and disillusioned no matter how high we climb. Confusion will strike like that inflicted upon the builders of Babel as we are humbled for having attempted to reach God status by elevating ourselves and putting others down, by letting our worldly desires drag us through the mud, all the while in a state of pure ecstasy. After all, ignorance is bliss. Ignorance of our truly divine nature is the cause of all needless human suffering, so there’s no wonder there’s so much of both nowadays. We spend too much time in our comfort zones, chasing pleasure or avoiding all pain. We become attached to our own perceptions of who we are, which are also affected by others’ perceptions with who we are. After so many days of the same routine, the same things bothering us, the same things making us feel a bit satisfied with life, we think we know ourselves. We think we know what we really think about certain topics, we think we mean things which we don’t mean, we think we are a thousand things, when in reality, at the highest level, we are all one in being, all of us being, one being. This is why we know what is right and what is wrong, yet we try to remain in ignorance, because it feels great. We lie to ourselves, as if we could, and indeed we can. We can lie to our perceived self, our self-imposed identity of ourselves, but we can never, under any circumstances, succeed in lying to our higher Self, to God within us. The source of all love and wisdom knows nothing else, and when we act out of accordance with these attributes we face unnecessary suffering, self-inflicted suffering. This is because the real Self always knows where we are screwing up. It knows when we are not aligned with our true nature. That’s why so many of us chase the drink I think, because it allows us to be who we think we want to be without that voice of reason dragging us down. We want to experience all the things we know we shouldn’t, we just need to lower our sense of judgement in order to enjoy them for a sweet second, in order to avoid any reflection whatsoever about what we have in our our own minds, about how we can enrich them and use life as a blessing, to bless ourselves and many others. We all feel inspired by such an idea, and even great criminals have helped the needy. It’s obvious that, as the phrase goes, sharing is caring. This is part of the love and wisdom of God, yet some of us choose to ignore this, and instead we choose to nurture the rotten ideas of selfishness which we’ve slowly began developing in our brains. Explain it in whatever way, but selfishness needs to be forgotten if we are to follow a spiritual life. Jesus advised against considering any earthly thing as treasure, and recommended to focus on the treasures of the spirit instead, while the Buddha taught complete non-attachment to all worldly things, rooted in the reality beyond all suffering. He also preached balance, the middle way, something else which could be thought of as a divine attribute of the One Being.

A Letter to My Friend

A thought burst in my head And I need to tell you

Dear Holden,

Today is 22nd July, 2015, I just finished reading about you. I was always scared I might not like you. I thought you were a whiny bastard, to be frank. But now, I just want to thank you for taking me along for the ride; Because a lot of the things you’ve said ring true even if hardly anyone bothers to listen to you. I think I’d like to have an actual conversation with you, but I’m not sure if I could be quick enough to catch up with your train of thought, and I would be very sorry if I couldn’t understand you. Because I really want to. I think and I hope we would make very good friends, but a part of me is also very scared that you will think of as another phony, I like to believe I am not, but sometimes, it is very difficult to distinguish at times.

The more I read about you, the more I found similarities between you and me. Beginning with the way we see other people. Sometimes I can’t really help myself and am under the impression that everyone around me is a phony. I think you will be wondering, if it includes my parents, I want to say Yes. But there is another section I can’t help but adore, these are the people who are actually excited about what is to come, people who are laughing like no one is watching, very genuine people. As I was writing this last line, I could only think of one individual, my sister, which also makes me wonder how similar we both are. I can’t really explain it that well. I guess that is another trait we both share, Our inability to explain our opinions. Maybe we were having a conversation, things would’ve been easier. But Holden, what I guess I am trying to say is people aren’t so simple, you see. Human beings are complex that way, we can’t really categorize them because each one of is uniquely different the other.

I don’t want to be someone who doesn’t notice things. I don’t want to believe that life is a game. I want to be able to say goodbye, and not regret doing something when I start missing it. I want to be able to make a lasting connection. I don’t want to grow up and forget how it was like to be a kid. I don’t want to disappear. I don’t want to be just a tombstone littered with dead flowers. I don’t want to be stuck in depression and not be able to think right. I am sure we both know at this point that I have to make stand and not end up quitting, I have to get out of it.

Holden, I love how you always want to pick people up, it is such an admirable thing, but what if you fell? who will be your catcher? who will be there to save you? I know that you wish you could’ve caught your brother, but that wasn’t you fault. It wasn’t like he jumped off the cliff while you weren’t looking. You couldn’t have stopped it. I am hopeful that you will actually find strength within yourself to move and finally be happy and thankful for the life.

You gotta be scared before you can be brave. You gotta open up if you want to have a connection. Now that’s life. Spend time with Phoebe, with Jane, with anyone whose company you truly crave. Spend time with people who will be good to you. Because after all the hell you’ve been through? I think you deserve it.

 

Your Friend,

Kamran 

 PS : I am really looking forward to meeting you, maybe when we both are doing better mentally.

Rebel, Rebel

A rebel she was
Other times docile
Mature and caring
But also childlike

He was a storm
Solemn and strong
Nothing grey in his world
Was either right or wrong

Their worlds clashed
Fell into parts
In the collision
They lost their hearts

They couldn’t be more different
One unlike the other
He cared too much about stuff
She didn’t even bother

He was strong peace
She, a delicate chaos
There laid an invisible line
That they dared not cross

She was the sunshine
brightly she shone
He was like the moon in a dark night
Tranquil and alone

It wasn’t possible
They couldn’t understand
Lil did they know
Universe had other plans

They found love
In each others soul
He completed her
She made him whole

Best Of You

Check out The New Blog guys

Welcome To Forever

by Captain Kuhlbert

“I’ve got another confession my friend, I’m no fool. I’m getting tired of starting again somewhere new.”

How often have I heard or seen someone tired of starting again? How many times have I heard of a friend unhappy in a relationship or lack thereof?

In a world where we rely on technology and people to show us how to live our lives, is it any wonder so many are unhappy? We turn and look at the person next to us, comparing what they have with what we’ve got, and then we turn and look at our smartphone to see what the world has that we do not.

We bury ourselves in things that should make us happy based on others’ thoughts, but does it really? Is that new outfit going to fulfill your heart? Is that late night going to make up for a bad day…

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Letter to My Best Friend, My Partner In Crime

I wanted to do something a little different…

The past couple months have been very stressful for me and it has made me think about what I am truly thankful for in life.

Obviously, there is SO much that I am thankful for and SO many people who have blessed my life in ways they cannot imagine, but there is one particular person that I believe deserves to know just how much he means to me because I do not tell him enough.

So This is a shout out to him…. Also because I have been a total d*** for a while. But you know the reason…

Dear Best friend,

I have written 100 pieces like these and flattered you many times, but this is different. You must know that I love you with every fiber in my body. It’s not every day that you make best friends for life and it’s definitely isn’t every day when you meet someone like you. I am just very glad to have met you. I can this about all the ups and downs, and how we met and how crazy we are, but, I am sorry happiness, this is going to be serious.

So, I’ve been screwing up a lot lately, and you’ve always been around. And if we go our way, I don’t know how I will manage it anyway. In my living hell, I’ve in a small way hurt you; Made you doubt our legitimacy, and that by far it is my biggest mistake. I know, I don’t make you feel or show you what you mean to me all the time, but you know, I am wired that way. I’ve made this mistake with a million people, not showing them what they really really mean to me. I’ve lost a lot of people to ‘They loving me’ and ‘Me not loving them back equally’. Know that, I am trying to change. And I will start with you. You mean world to me, and you will always remain my best friend. So, next time I make a mistake and you feel like I have ‘multiple’ best friends(the other two are very important to me… but we have a Bro Code man), please read this. I am writing this in blood.

So, I’ve been thinking about how much life is going to change over the next six months. It actually scares me very very much. I always thought I was ready to leave this place and go out all alone and make my mark on this world, but, I am not so sure anymore. For one, I don’t know if I can and secondly, I don’t think I can be okay alone. And then it struck me that we will both be in two new cities (JUST DEAL WITH ALREADY…). And I don’t know which cities they are. I wish there was a way to know if it were Manchester, Birmingham, Perth, Texas or some god forbidden place, so I could plan and procrastinate like I always do, but… Its dark, its blank. I am just so scared that you won’t live 127 steps away from my house.

In a year, weekends may not have you in them. In a year, selfies will change to Skype Calls. In a year, we may not exchange clothes we don’t have. In a year, you may not know who I am dating and whether it is hurting. In a year, we may start topping or failing classes but won’t be able to complain ‘Padhai nahi Hori yaar’. In a year, we may not always pick up calls. In a year, we may earn all the money we ever wanted but, may not spend it on each other. In a year, we may not meet at the compound. In a year, all of this may happen.

I need us to make a promise, that no matter what happens we will stick around forever. Because I got a feeling we have completed those 7 years of friendship psychologists talk about. Promise me that you’ll get into a great college and be the best at whatever the hell you want to do. I promise you I will do all the right things, be the best journalist alive (No, NOT GEO TV). Promise me that we’ll make the right decisions and always keep our family close. Just promise me that you’ll take care of yourself when I am not around.
I will write a letter like this for every important moment in our lives.
First graduation, first job, first salary, Wedding, first kid…. eleventh kid, 75th Birthday.

Always Your Best Friend…. ❤ 😀

To The Haters and Bullies

Growing up I had a pretty strong sense of individuality, my own thoughts, choices and opinions on life (I am still growing up but you know what I mean..). I was pretty smart and wise, always, because of the way my parents brought me up. I loved to laugh, dance and have fun in all kinds of quirky ways.

I’d had a rough childhood all in all because of how things were going in my family – not great, but whose family is great?… however, I was always positive and submerged in my own world of thoughts, feelings and interesting things that I wanted to do. I was pretty introverted (I still am but in a different way) . I was polite, but private and always immersed in my world of books and stories that have kick-started my imagination into becoming and evolving into what it is now. I’m proud to say I grew up on books. I developed and still have that mentality of expecting the best in people all in all, because sometimes I can get the version where the person doesn’t understand me at all, but most times I get to experience the best in people… because I believe in them. That’s how I roll.

Everything with my school life was great until the Sophomore year, I was hanging out with everyone. I wasn’t labelled as anything because I tried ensuring that I was neither this kind of kid nor that kind, I was on everyone’s good books, I was pretty likable, I guess … And then came  Junior year (aka. The worst year of my high school existence) and lets be honest I am not sure where it wrong for me because I am sure I must have done something to deserve whatever it is that I got.

The only thing I truly dared not to be back then was being different, but I was.  Not because I was trying, but because I was. I believed that it was polite to let me be myself and do my own thing as long as I don’t do anything bad. But society wanted me boxed in with the rest, so I grew to hate school really quickly. Growing up in my family, I quickly developed a lack of respect for lying, corruption. In my school… Bullying wasn’t taking as an actual issue, It was just “Teens being Teens” or in the words of some people “Me being a P****”…I quickly lost all respect for school moreover for the entire education system.

I am writing this today, to say thank you. Yes, thank you to all my bullies and haters. I am actually writing this utmost sincerity and there is not a bit of hate in my heart as I write this because you guys unintentionally made me a better person and yeah sure I could’ve written it years from now but whats the point by then I am sure we wouldn’t be in contact. But It would be pretty useless and  this would’ve lost its purpose.

I really must start with this one thing: they did not get to the core of me. Even after an entire year of being verbally and mental abuse, I never actually changed inside as individual with a personality, as a good person with a good heart and good intentions. This is very important, because then all else that came then could only strengthen me.

Here is a basic list of things I am thanking my bullies and haters for:

FOR saying I couldn’t do things, or stop believing because that stuff doesn’t happen to people like you. For saying NO right from the very beginning.

BECAUSE when it was really important for me to do, I never really bought that. My books had taught me that anyone could make a positive change in their lives, and that the respective change could be huge but still not impossible. I became very curious and immersed myself in it and ended up excelling at it. That’s how I developed a can do attitude and that’s how I found out that the best way to do something hard/seemingly impossible is to start doing it anyway. All I knew was that I ALWAYS wanted to stay true to who I was, to my heart. And I ALWAYS have. and I ALWAYS will 🙂

Thank you!

FOR putting me down because I was ‘less’.

BECAUSE that was a very new feeling for me and all it could do was to make me feel bad about my appearance. I’ve been in trouble with that but it overall made me adopt a much healthier lifestyle than many. Working on it, but, you know what? I’m not that kid anymore, and I’m being told that I look great, so I’ve decided to finally embrace it and let it flow. Makes me feel inexplicably good to be liked and preferred for who I am. Love it. In any other ways, they never really could make me feel like less, because, for anything else, I’ve been aware of my strengths and being my parents’ son I can say that’s worked for me very well, genes, determination and brain-wise.

FOR telling me to go die, because I was ‘worthless’. Even after I helped them out at school without asking for anything in return.

BECAUSE I have chosen to stay a good person anyway. I didn’t end up dying, instead ended up appreciating life so much more . I swore to myself to make every second count… I guess that was a thing back then I didn’t appreciate as much….

FOR showing me how shallow friendships can be.

BECAUSE I’ve learned that a few really amazing friends matter more than 50 crappy ones and I’ve learned to understand the ‘subtle’ differences and make my choice and have not regretted it on the way, not even once. Also it taught me to source my strength from my background, who I am, internally. Also, to love and appreciate the people that are there for me no matter what, especially if they’re not family, because they don’t have to. And I love and celebrate them every day, protect and care about them deeply.

FOR doing it all no matter what I did to change their opinion.

BECAUSE I understood right away that I couldn’t, and stopped. I started focusing on people that matter, things that matter, experiences that matter. I understood that all I was was different and that a really good start would be to cut them out of my life. Them and all of the following selfish, rude and negative people that have flown through my life so far.

FOR never giving me the chance to explain.

BECAUSE I understood that explanations were useless unless people wanted to listen. That, if I really cared about a cause, I’d have to make them listen. But, at the end of the day, personal motivation comes from personal challenges, so it gave me really good insight on life real life.

FOR rejecting me, overall.

BECAUSE that taught me not to abide by the way society works, or thinks we should all be boxed up.. I guess that’s why I am as rebellious as I am today (I still blame John Bender and Jim Stark for that but whatever). I worked out for me though in a better way.

FOR doing it at all.

BECAUSE I learned that in my life I would never accept to be treated like that ever again, and I honestly regret not opening my crappy mouth back then but that’s only led to becoming more wise and to making all the right decisions so far.

FOR, overall, making it official that I was not one of them and never would be.

BECAUSE you know what? More than anything I was so happy I wasn’t one of them, for a while I wished that I was more like them and maybe I would be accepted by them or I should be “cooler” but almost 2 years on from that experience, I am so proud of myself that I didn’t get in that circle of manipulative people who lacked any sense of individuality and had there life’s harbored on hate towards weak.

I had started writing this a very long time but had to finish it and because I have been listening to too much of EMINEM, NIRVANA and they were musically begging me to get this out of my system. I feel free, which is a privilege to say the least. To Every kid out there PLEASE STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF … Its essence of life.. 😀

 

Words are Forever

See that girl,
The one with the smile?
Do you know she’s been hurting for a while?

See that boy,
‘Yeah, he’s so cool!’
Is that how he appears to be at school?

See that girl,
With that group alongside?
Do you know she considered suicide?

See that boy,
He seems so alive!
But everyday he struggles to survive.

See those people
All victims of hate.
Watch your words, before it’s too late.

A Farewell Melody

The time soon comes for parting,
And our time is at an end,
The rest of your life is starting,
And we have no time at all to spend.

You knew one day you’d have to go,
But thought you’d have more time.
We can’t reverse time’s one-way flow,
But at least you’ll have this rhyme.

You had your shining moments,
Upon this life’s darkened stage,
And in my book of wonderments,
You’ll never be just another page.

Like the exploding of a star,
You’ve changed me in and out,
Your light will travel with me far,
Past when all other lights go out

The Farewell Post (Part III aka Senior Special)

Right now at this point I feel too tired to type anything because thanking everyone is such an emotional flow of river that makes me wanna cry as well It’s too late but Its necessary like I said because I want them to know they’re important and irreplaceable in my life. At the time when I was planning this post (I was like OMG I have to thank all those seniors as well) and exactly at the moment I received a text from Yousef Bhai saying “Beta farewell post main seniors nai” and I was like crap if I do it now, Bhai will feel like its because he said but then I decided let it be man I will have to thank them anyway so this is dedicated to all those seniors whom I have missed so much for the last 9-10 months and I always will and I have this list of seniors to thank and If I miss anyone missing out anyone its because I am stupid and I will Thank them all slowly, Firstly It goes out these 3 seniors who have taught me about life just as much as my teachers have and knowing these 3 was an absolute honor and they’ve helped me become the person that I am today and this post in no way is enough to thank them for all they’ve done for me or shown me in life, But still So THANK YOU SO MUCH 😀

 

• LUBAINA ❤ (HASHTAG FAVOURITE SENIOR)….. Lubaina, You will never know how much I miss you… I mean for the last 6 months of your stay at ICS we became so close and you have been like an elder sister to me and Dennis ever since….How you use to interfere between My and Dennis’ fight and resolve it… OMG I MISS THAT SO MUCH…….. I swear I can go on and on and on about amazing you are but everyone knows that. Tbh You are the only person I have stayed in touch with ever since the last batch passed out and It gives me so much hope, like literally so much. Even though we haven’t met each other for more than 6 months but I still keep annoying you with my life stories and all those random stuff that bothers me (Like, me getting a haircut just before the prom night) and you like an amazing sister always pull me through my own dark shadows and I know that I can bother you anytime of the day with anything and you will always be there for me and YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU INSPIRED ME and I know for a fact that you will always continue to inspire people around you. Also I am SORRY IF ANNOY YOU TOO MUCH BUT DEAL WITH IT… CONS OF HAVING YOUNGER BROTHERS AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND HOPE WE CAN MEET UP SOON 😀 :3

#STILLMYFAVOURITESENIOR ❤

• Yousef Bhai …… Yousef Bhai was one person I looked up to like Sharaz and Ismam and everyone else looked up to me and Yousef Bhai is literally the coolest and the most amazing guy I could’ve met. Back in 10th and 11th he was all I wanted to be, like literally not even kidding… Everything about Yousef Bhai was meant to idolize. I feel bad for all those kids who will never have someone as amazing as him in their life and If this sounds too weird and stuff, its only because you haven’t met him in person. The way he spoke, the politeness, I remember think to myself after our first conversation “Dude, for someone senior this guy is way too cool.”. For all the time I have known Yousef Bhai, believe me when I say this, NOT ONCE NOT EVEN ONCE HAVE I SEEN HIM GET ANGRY OR SPEAK IN A RAISED VOICE (Those were my senior goals, still are). The amount of respect he had for girls. It was so unreal. And the way he treated us, juniors like his younger brothers and sisters. Whether you know it or not Yousef Bhai you have inspired me so much to be a better human being and I feel so blessed that I had you to look up to and Please continue to be the way you are and remember me in your prayers. I MISS YOU, BHAI (OH WAIT, WE ARE MEETING)  ❤ 😀

 

• SAMIA …….. Heyyyy ❤ I Miss You and All your Dafa Ho and those nonsense… OMG SAMIA, I hate you so much for leaving twice to Canada without saying Bye. (I want to say more but I still hate you so much for that, I always will like DAFAQ BRO) … Trust me, I will never understand for the life of me for someone as dumb as you how did you top Maths, Copy Keya Ho Ga (Obviously !!!) …. Just kidding, Everyone knows you are amazingly talented and a huge nerd and even bigger Geek … I miss that dumb smile of yours so much yaar…..and all those threats as well…. on a serious note when are you getting out of Canada again? (I know it won’t be long, Hope to see you soon). Anyway Thank You for listening to me whenever I needed someone to talk to. Thanks for Cheering me up when I was all down and out. Thanks for the treat (that I never got). Thanks for all the teasing with Fatma. Thanks for being as evil as me *EVIL LAUGHTER*. Thanks for checking up on me every once in a while (feels good to know people care).and Thanks for being this wonderful and yet such a pain in the ass favorite… Sorry if I ever took the joke to far but C’mon man I know you don’t mind and You love me even with all that… But THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING BAJI, THANK YOU FOR SPREADING SMILE, THANK YOU FOR BEING THIS SPECTACULAR SISTER, THANKS FOR BEING AN AMAZING HUMAN BEING AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BAJI AND I CAN’T WAIT TO MEET YOU AGAIN… ❤

PS: YOU ARE STILL DUMB MAN ❤