A Letter to My Friend

A thought burst in my head And I need to tell you

Dear Holden,

Today is 22nd July, 2015, I just finished reading about you. I was always scared I might not like you. I thought you were a whiny bastard, to be frank. But now, I just want to thank you for taking me along for the ride; Because a lot of the things you’ve said ring true even if hardly anyone bothers to listen to you. I think I’d like to have an actual conversation with you, but I’m not sure if I could be quick enough to catch up with your train of thought, and I would be very sorry if I couldn’t understand you. Because I really want to. I think and I hope we would make very good friends, but a part of me is also very scared that you will think of as another phony, I like to believe I am not, but sometimes, it is very difficult to distinguish at times.

The more I read about you, the more I found similarities between you and me. Beginning with the way we see other people. Sometimes I can’t really help myself and am under the impression that everyone around me is a phony. I think you will be wondering, if it includes my parents, I want to say Yes. But there is another section I can’t help but adore, these are the people who are actually excited about what is to come, people who are laughing like no one is watching, very genuine people. As I was writing this last line, I could only think of one individual, my sister, which also makes me wonder how similar we both are. I can’t really explain it that well. I guess that is another trait we both share, Our inability to explain our opinions. Maybe we were having a conversation, things would’ve been easier. But Holden, what I guess I am trying to say is people aren’t so simple, you see. Human beings are complex that way, we can’t really categorize them because each one of is uniquely different the other.

I don’t want to be someone who doesn’t notice things. I don’t want to believe that life is a game. I want to be able to say goodbye, and not regret doing something when I start missing it. I want to be able to make a lasting connection. I don’t want to grow up and forget how it was like to be a kid. I don’t want to disappear. I don’t want to be just a tombstone littered with dead flowers. I don’t want to be stuck in depression and not be able to think right. I am sure we both know at this point that I have to make stand and not end up quitting, I have to get out of it.

Holden, I love how you always want to pick people up, it is such an admirable thing, but what if you fell? who will be your catcher? who will be there to save you? I know that you wish you could’ve caught your brother, but that wasn’t you fault. It wasn’t like he jumped off the cliff while you weren’t looking. You couldn’t have stopped it. I am hopeful that you will actually find strength within yourself to move and finally be happy and thankful for the life.

You gotta be scared before you can be brave. You gotta open up if you want to have a connection. Now that’s life. Spend time with Phoebe, with Jane, with anyone whose company you truly crave. Spend time with people who will be good to you. Because after all the hell you’ve been through? I think you deserve it.

 

Your Friend,

Kamran 

 PS : I am really looking forward to meeting you, maybe when we both are doing better mentally.

14th July 2015…… 9:12 pm

Note: A commentary on a 18 year old depressed kid’s draft. So everything you are going to read in the bracket is by a 22 year old Kamran who isn’t depressed and can make fun of himself, but you guys should take it seriously cause MOST of you were shitty.

I have come to a point in my life where  I am very happy being alone. (of course you are, you idiot) I don’t know why? (let me take a guess, cause you watched a lot of teenage movies.)  But I AM happy. I have no need for  friends or partnership to share my feelings. (but you definitely need a blog post) But I guess that comes with being an introvert. (You are NOT an introvert, or as you have been told it is more of your inability to handle stupidity) I have never need friendship  and to be honest the only friendship I have ever put any effort is with Fatty not that I know why. (This is 18 year old Kamran’s way of saying FUCK YOU, Dennis.) I honestly could lose all my “so-called” friends and it wouldn’t make a difference. (still true for 22 year old Kamran) I guess that’s kinda shitty on my part. (No, it isn’t.)

PS Grammar wasn’t really something I cared about. 

Soulmates

Soulmates are gems within the universe, you don’t necessarily go seeking them out, however when you find yours you hold them near and dear to your heart.

They are the people who come into our lives to help awaken different parts of us. So, that our souls can transcend to a higher level of consciousness and awareness.

People assume that you’re supposed to marry your soulmates, but sadly you’re not; Soulmates aren’t meant to stay in your life forever.

Think of meeting your Soulmates (I believe you can have more than one soulmates) as a stage in your life that you need to experience in order to move on to where you need to be. Once the lesson has been learned, it’s followed by physical separation and that’s OK! Not everyone you come across is meant to be in your life forever, However the time you’ve spent together will not go in vain, because you’ll always fall back on the lesson you should have learned.

I’m a strong believer in the universe sending you EXACTLY what you need without question.

Meaning, It’s not a “coincidence” or “by faith” how you met certain people. It’s predestined, only that person can teach you, guide you, and release things inside you that you didn’t even realize was there.

I say this because I formed very close friendship in recent times with a guy who I was not suppose to meet in the first place as neither of us were actually suppose to there, but somehow we did end up there and for better we ended up meeting and 5 months later we both are really close to each other that we can share anything and be sure it will be saved between us. I mean if it was not destiny, what was it.

Now, it’s important that you don’t mistake common life lessons with lessons that your soul needs (Not everyone you encounter is your Soulmate). I don’t know how to explain the feeling of finding your soulmate, Just know that it differs from Love, everything that felt forced and difficult in the past will feel light and easy, it’s an amazing feeling and even though you both won’t be together forever you’ll feel a sense of calmness. Your experience with this person will be unique and will NEVER be duplicated.

I’ve met my Soulmate, though we’re not together physically, we share a beautiful experience that I’ll always cherish, I have a part of her soul, vice verse.

Rest In Peace Beautiful

Hey Beautiful,

If you are reading this (I know you are reading this because you promised me that you will) I want you to know that you were the most amazing person I ever met, I am not bullshitting. You know me I never bullshit. Even though we had only known each other for 5 years (“Hey Moron, 5 Years is a long time. Can you imagine how many lives has our friendship outlived”) Sure It did man and sadly it couldn’t outlive yours. I am missing you and I will always. Thank you for being my best friend, Thank you for being such a brave fighter and I swear I will make you proud beautiful. I know you are in a way better place but you just put me in dark place here. Remember when I use to tell you about my problems and you use to tell me “Kamran, you want to know something worse? I am dying”. Remember when you made me hear Nirvana back in Summer of 2011 and I was like what load of crap is this. and few years later I was fangirling them and you were all grumpy about it. Guess my friend is only in my head now. Remember when we fought about whom I should take with me to THE NIGHT and we decide that you were right but I took the other one and it took me an entire 3 weeks to make it upto you. Remember when I wrote “My Angel” and you asked me to promise you that I will write something as beautiful as that for you, but what you never realised was everything that I ever wrote was inspired by you. Remember when I joked about singing Ronan at your funeral and you told me I should and then I told you that we were Pakistani But I will still

You fought it hard like an army guy
Remember I, leaned in and whispered to you

Come on baby with me
We’re gonna fly away from here
Out of this curtained room
And this hospital grey will just disappear

You were like that part of my life that I didn’t want anyone to know about because you were so amazing and I always wanted to treasure it to myself, and now i regret never telling them because they will never meet THE GIRL WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILE EVER.

With Love,

From Your Best Friend,

Kamran

Rest In Peace Annie xoxo

17th May 1997 – ∞

Until We Meet Again 🙂

Being With The “One” is Pretentious

To begin with I have NO CLUE WHY I AM WRITING THIS 😀 But I am writing it anyway because I haven’t written for a while now…

Can I tell you something?

You don’t have to look for “the one” just because literally everyone around you is in a relationship. I mean it.

I know they force it down your throat until you choke on it.

They’ve made you believe that girls aren’t pretty unless they’re wanted. Boys aren’t men if they don’t have someone to show off every now and then.

People aren’t lovable cause they’re not dating. That’s bullshit.

A relationship does not guarantee happiness. And as wonderful as it may sound, it isn’t the only love that exists.

I have lived in friendships that are deeper and more pure than couples who promise forever.

I’ve heard so many people say “Nobody loves me” cause they’re not in a relationship, and it kills me because when asked what about your parents? Your friends? Your pets?

They say “Yes Okay, but it doesn’t count” . Of course it counts.

I mean love doesn’t diminish just because someone’s not in a physical relationship with you.

In fact, doesn’t it make that love all the more real?

The fact that they don’t expect anything in return, not even a date from you?

Being in love is an amazing feeling, yes I know that. I’ve been there. It’s magical.

But it’s also wonderful to play dress up with your girls and eat ice cream right out of the tub, isn’t it? But Why have we made love just about “the one”?

Why do people think that being with someone is the answer to everything? Honestly, it isn’t.

So just stop rushing into things.

Don’t say maybe if you wanna say no, Because no matter how wonderful being in a relationship is, It’s not the only love that exists.

More than One Best Friend

I feel like I can write forever and ever because I am in just that kind off mood, I swear I hope these holidays never end. I mean I just want to write and read and watch TV shows.

Anyway I had this really funny story told me to today by a really good friend of mine, where his best friend asked a group in the class whether they knew who his best friend was and they ended up taking up my name instead of her, which was rather embarrassing for her but that led me to write this article.

There is a lot of debate over whether it’s possible to have more than one best friend. After all, the term BEST is a superlative, and only one entity can hold the highest quality.

But do you take the term BEST literally?

Language evolves — we all know that. I think that this is the reason why it is more common today for people to say that they have multiple best friends. The term has gone beyond meaning one and only and now, to many, means a very close, very important, very significant friend.

Take a group of four guys who spend all of their time together. They have plenty of outside friends from school, but nobody even comes remotely close to their group.

My sister will always be my best and closest friend(No, Fatima if you are reading this don’t jump too much). But beyond that, I’ve always had many best friends. Take the my three best friends from high school. I really mean BEST FRIENDS, all though they never got along with each other, my life or even my day was incomplete was without them

Still, there are people who use the term BEST FRIEND for one person or completely obliterate it altogether, referring to everyone as close friends.

Rachel Robinson did in  Just as Long as We’re Together by Judy Blume. I haven’t read that book since a very long time, but I remember Rachel’s outburst at the end clearly: “How can we all be best friends? Best means best! It’s impossible to have more than one best friend!” In the end, the three girls decide to consider each other “close friends.”

Is it really impossible, though?

I know that opinions greatly differ.

My question to you:

Is it possible to have more than one best friend?